"Is that the end?!"
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Transcript[]
Mark: Hello everybody, and welcome to -
Bob: [inaudible interruption]
Mark: SHUT UP!
[Wade and Bob laugh.]
Bob: Are you- are you doing the intro?
Mark: Yes! Welcome back to-
Wade: Hello everybody, this is Wade here..
Mark: Shut up!
Bob: Hello everybody, this is muyskerm.
Mark: Welcome back to Drunk Minecraft- [to Bob and Wade] I will...
Wade: [chuckles]
Mark: Okay-
Wade: Alright, Mark, finish it off man. We got it started for ya.
Mark: I did, I-
Bob: [walks up to Mark in-game] [imitates Mark's outro] Buh-bye!
[Mark and Wade chuckle]
Bob: Oh wait, no..
Wade: That doesn't sound right.
Mark: Fuck you guys...
Bob: [laughs]
Mark: Up the anus...
Bob: Alright, no, do it, do it, I won't say a word.
Mark: No, i-i-it's done. Fuck it, it's done. That's it, that's the intro!
[Bob and Wade start cracking up.]
Mark: That's the intro...
Wade: [repeats Mark while laughing] That's the intro...
[All three laugh.]
Mark: Okay, so, anyway, [looks over a large crater in the ground] you see this swath of devastation here? That's where-
Bob: Oh, geez!
Mark: the ending of the last episode left off...
[Wade and Bob chuckle]
Bob: I still can't believe that happened.
Mark: [as he drinks] Oh it's- it was cool.
Bob: Look at that mountain, there's like one...
Wade: Hey, could we- Zombie, could we get that bread, 'cause I am dying [laughs] I think-
Mark: [sips drink] Yeah.
Wade: or do we got God Mode on?
Mark: [open inventory and sees most of it filled with full stacks of glass] Oh, wow, I got glass out the ass, like everything is glass.
Bob: Ass glass?
Wade: I've got nothin'.
Mark: Yes, Bob, ass glass.
Wade: I mean, I've got diamond tools and diamond armor, but...
Mark: [puts some glass in toolbar slots] There we go, I've-
Bob [to Wade]: Well, you don't have shit then.
Mark: [Zombie puts bread in Mark's toolbar] I got bread, did you guys get bread?
Bob: No.
Wade: No, not yet [inaudible]
Mark: Well, fuck you guys then, ha ha ha. Okay, so, we're gonna actually do an objective here [searches for objective list on his desk], which is an underwater house. And I think it's...
Wade: [receives bread from Zombie] Thank you so much, Zombie.
Mark: I think that's what we decided on, right? Right?
Wade: Yeah.
Mark: Right? Okay. Hang on, first I'm gonna get this iron and cobblestone 'cause we need to get furnaces for, um... What do we need furnaces for?
Wade: I don't know-
Bob: We have a bunch of glass.
Wade: Glass, to make glass.
Mark: Oh, yeah, um...
Wade: Hold on... NO!
Mark: Buckets! Bucket, buckets, buckets, buckets...
Wade: I can't hear you!
Mark: [jumps into crater and moves through] Buck- what?
Wade: I don't care...
Mark: Wade, are you talking to someone?
Bob: Yeah.
Wade: Yeah, my brother's yellin' at me.
Mark: [chuckles] This's professional! Minecrafting!
Wade: Well- [groans]
Mark: [starts mining iron] You [sputters]... Tell him to...
Bob: What does a sponge do? I have a sponge...
Mark: I have a sponge too, I don't know what a sponge does.
Bob: I'm gonna soak up the ocean!
Wade: This is professional...
Mark: Does it work like that?
Bob: I would assume, why the hell else would we have a sponge?
Mark: I don't know, I don't even know where you get sponge.
Bob: Suck it, ocean!
Mark: [parkours to another iron deposit] I'm just getting the iron so that we can - [sees player squidy13 spamming the in-game chat] [starts mining the iron] Ah, squidy's spammin'. Squidy's spammin'!
Wade: Who's- dude, someone's tryin' to teleport to me.
Mark: Why?
Wade: I don't know, I didn't see who it was.
Mark: [sputters] Tell 'em to fuck off.
Wade: [reads Longcat1996, the name of the player who attempted to port to him] longcat96?
[Mark continues to mine iron.]
Wade: [reads Zombie's message in the chat] "Deny teleports". Oh, you got it, bud.
[All three start talking at the same time.]
Bob: [inaudible]
Mark: I finally got-
Bob: I'm probably gonna catch a lot of heat from this, but where the hell are you guys?
Mark: [mining iron] We're in the cavern, getting some iron.
Wade: I'm in a pit! [pauses] I'm getting coal and iron.
Mark: [mining stone out of his way] Well, could we get some-
Bob: IR'N?
Mark: ...buckets? [pauses] IR'N?
Wade: I've got 27 iron, bud!
Bob: That's probably enough.
Wade: NO!
Mark: He's not your bud, pal...
Bob: Wow, I totally, like, went a little gay there for a second.
Wade: [laughs]
Mark: [confused] What?
Bob: Just- Did you not hear that? I was all "That's probably enough".
Mark: [silently laughs] No, we didn't pick up on that at all!
Bob: Oh. It comes out sometimes.
Wade: [imitates stereotypical gay voice] That is super serial everybody.
Mark: What?
Bob: Oh, well that's offensive.
[Mark and Bob move up a hill in-game.]
[After a pause, all three start talking at the same time, reacting to Wade's gay imitation.]
Mark: [laughs] Yes, THAT'S offensive.
Bob: 'Cause gay people [inaudible] say that...
Wade: [inaudible] Come on, you got, you got- do the Butters.
Bob: [chuckles] What?
Wade: Do the Butters!
Bob: What do you mean, "do the Butters?"
Wade: [laughs and sputters]
Mark: Do it!
Wade: You know exactly what I mean!
Mark: You know what we're talkin' about!
Wade: There's only one way to do the Butters!
Bob: You guys are forcing my hand here, I was gonna save it for something awesome.
Wade: We've already heard it once!
Mark: [refers to audience] THEY haven't!
Bob: [refers to audience] They probably haven't heard of it!
Wade: During the intro!
Mark: [tries to craft a furnace, but sees the four-square crafting slot in his inventory does not have enough space.] I need a table!
Bob: You know what I could do, I could do the, uh...
Mark: ZOMBIE!
Wade: [chuckles]
Mark: Zombie, I need a table!
Bob: [laughs]
Wade: Mark, you're so demanding, I doubt Zombie's going to give you anything!
Mark: Zombie, right now! [points to toolbar] A crafting table... ZOMBIE!
[Bob and Wade laugh.]
Wade: Where are you guys at?
Bob: Standing on top of the mountain, doing nothing.
Mark: [receives crafting table and buckets from Zombie] Thank you, Zombie. [sees buckets in inventory and places down crafting table] Hey, he gave me buckets, so I don't need it anymore... [crafts furnace]
Bob: I'm gonna finish my house that you assholes tried to blow up.
Mark: Can I, Zombie -
Wade: I didn't - hold, hold the phone, I didn't blow up anything!
Bob: You're still an asshole.
Wade: Okay, I can't argue with that, but I didn't start blowing anything up.
Mark: [crafts three furnaces and places them next to the crafting table] Zombie, can I have TNT so I can blow up his house again?
Bob: Ooh- I don't wanna go down there.
Wade: Yes, you do -
Mark: Zombie, I need TNT to blow up his house [receives TNT] thank you very much...
Wade: No, Zombie, do not let him blow up the house again!
Mark: And flint and steel, I need a flint and steel! Flint and steel, I need flint and steel, please, yes, thank you.
Wade: We need to build a glass house, not blow up old houses!
Mark: Please, thank you, that'd be flint and st- [receives flint and steel] yes, thank you, thank you so much!
Bob: Mark, where are you?
Wade: Can we please just start on the new house?
Mark: [to Bob] I'm looking for YOU...
Bob: [standing several meters in-game in front of Mark] I'm right here!
Mark: [runs to Bob] Oh, okay, where's the house?
Bob: I- it doesn't exist!
Mark: Oh!
Wade: [laughs]
Bob: [shows Mark remains of his house that was destroyed by Mark in the previous episode] This is it.
Mark: Oh, this is it? This is awfully sad...
Bob: You killed it, so I'm gonna kill myself. [falls of cliff in-game]
Mark: Okay.
Wade: I've got tons of coal, could we go do stuff with sand?
Mark: Bye-bye.
Bob: [falls and aims to water as it stops fall with no damage, but misses and hits just a block away from the water and dies from fall damage] Oh fuck, I actually killed myself.
[Mark and Bob crack up.]
Mark: [starts placing TNT around the remains of Bob's house] And I'm gonna blow up everything - [falls while placing TNT] Fuck, and I fell.
Bob: Well, I'm sorry Zombie -
Wade: Well I just found diamond at the bottom.
Bob: I got really excited and I... killed myself a little bit.
Mark: [places more TNT at where he landed and ignites it] You went off a little early 'cause you got so excited, is that what happened? Wade: Mark has that problem at lot.
Mark: [heading toward a large chunk of TNT that did not explode at the end of the previous episode] Shut up, no I don't. I do not.
Wade: He totally does.
Mark: I do not.
Bob: I currently cannot get out the water I am trapped in. That's good.
Wade: Mark has a condition, everyone should subscribe to feel sorry for his condition.
Mark: [confused, flabbergasted] Wha- what are you talkin' about? Everyone subscribes 'cause I'm so awe-
Wade: Mark, there's nothing wrong with prematureness.
Mark: They subscribe 'cause I'm so awesome. You don't even know.
Wade: Okay, no one subscribes 'cause you're awesome, they subscribe 'cause you scream like a girl, and because they feel sorry for you.
Mark: Okay, that actually, that seems more accurate.
Wade: [laughs]
Mark: That - that pretty much explains everything I have ever done.
Wade: Everyone knows Lord Minion is the awesome one.
Mark: Everyone knows Lord Minion sucks ten cocks in a row.
Wade: I'm talented, not that -
Bob: In a row?!
Mark: [view suddenly turns dark] Ah! It's dark - it's dark, what's goin' on?! [digs out]
Wade: It's probably nighttime.
Mark: No, I fell in, I got in, like in a hole... [starts moving toward TNT again] I'm tryin' towards - here we go. [screen turns dark again] What the f-? I keep fallin' in [digs out]
Wade: I have, like, 47 iron, and like, 80 coal.
Mark: [glitches back a couple of blocks] Okay, for some reason, I can't get towards this TNT [continues to get glitched back to same spot] [chuckles] Something's blocking me from the TNT!
Wade: Zombie, block him from the TNT!
Mark: [digs dirt out of the way] I'm tryin' to get to the TNT!
Wade: He does not need to get to the TNT.
Bob: I thought we were gonna build a glass house!
Mark: Fuck the glass house!
Wade: I thought we were gonna build a glass house, too, I've been stocking up to build this glass house and Mark's just tryin' to to destroy everybody.
Mark: Well, Bob killed himself, so he lost his glass. [glitches into darkness again] Ah, come on! [digs out] Alright, fine, fuck it. [gives up on reaching the TNT and heads toward the other two]
Wade: If we can go someplace with sand, I've got plenty of coal to make that.
Mark: Alright, fine, I'm getting away...
Bob: I've got a bunch of glass.
Mark: [makes goofy face] [possibly inaudible]
Wade: Hey's let's go back to that jungle biome, where we were right on the water, with sand.
Mark: No, fuck that. There's water right over there. [starts to leave the crater] Right over there, come, like -
Wade: I'm in a giant pit! I can't see anything -
Mark: Get out of there! Come over here.
Wade: Fine, I'm right behind you, where are - where?
Mark: Come with me, come with me... come with me!
Wade: [sounding defeated] I see it...
Mark: It's like an enormous ocean of - more beer. [takes drink]
Wade: Dude, that sounds awesome, an enormous ocean of more beer.
Mark [finishes drink] Aah! [sees a zombie next to him] Hello, zombie. Ah...
Wade: Speaking of which, I'm gonna need to finish this drink soon.
Mark: Finish it!
[A creeper explodes near Mark, but deals no damage.]
Wade: I don't - I guess I've got no reason not to.
Mark: Okay, so we got our giant ocean here, and we got glass, so let's do something about that. [opens inventory and switches out a few items in toolbar with some of the glass he has]\
Bob: Ooh, I don't have any food, do you guys have food?
Mark: [heading to the ocean] Yeah, I do, but I'm not gonna give you any of it.
Wade: I've got, like, 60 bread.
Bob: [to Wade] Can I have, like, two of those?
Wade: Yeah, where are you?
Bob: Killing a zombie by Mark.
Mark: Wha - huh?
Wade: Alright - ah, creeper!
Mark: [sets a sponge in the ocean next to the dirt, the sponge soaks up the surrounding water] Oh, the sponge does soak it up!
Bob: [to Wade] Oh, that's not Mark, that's you.
Mark: That's awesome.
Wade: [to Bob] Where you at, man?
Bob: Behind you. [creepy voice] Right behind you.
Mark: The sponge is useful!
Wade: [to Bob] I just threw some on the ground.
Mark: Guys, this sponge is, like, awesome!
Wade: [to Mark] Spo- what the hell? What are you doing?
Mark: [places more sponges in the water, soaking it up] Look, just place a sponge! Like, I never knew this before.
Wade: Place a sponge?
Bob: Place it?
Wade: Where do we get sponges?
Mark: I got sponges.
Bob: How do you place it?
Mark: You just right-click, you douche-nozzle!
Wade: Then what?
Mark: Then it soaks - !
Bob: Oh, shi- oh, shit!
Wade: I placed the sponge! Now what do I do, break it?
Mark: [annoyed] It's like - what are we gonna do with you guys on here?
Bob: No, Wade, come here, look, watch this. [pause as he places sponge down] Wow.
Mark: [confused] What?
Wade: Oh, dude, we're soakin' up water.
Mark: Exactlyyy...
Bob: Alright, I'm gonna start the foundation of the glass house. And, uh...
Wade: Zombie, I didn't know this existed. Thank you.
Mark: I didn't either!
Bob: Mark's gonna make -
Mark: [to Bob] Wha - fuck you!
Bob: What?
Mark: [mocking] Huh?
Bob: I didn't say anything.
Mark: Wha? Huh? Okay.
Bob: Huh? Wha?
Mark: Huh?
Mark and Bob: Wha?
Mark: Shut up... [reaches the foundation of the glass house Bob is working on] I can uninvite you to this Drunk Minecraft.
Bob: Oh, fuck. It got really dark, and I'm apparently -
Wade: [to Mark] You can uninvite us, but you can't un-drunk us!
Mark: [scoffs] Very true, Wade. This is a factual statement that you just said.
Wade: Ah dude, I'm full of facts! Oh, you albino spider piece of crap!
Mark: Zombie, could we get torches? Torches?
Wade: We need some wood.
Bob: We're the laziest Minecrafters ever.
Mark: [to Bob] Shut up, we're... efficient.
Bob: Zombie, can you find me a job?
Mark: Pff, you have a job! [heres nearby creeper explosion] Ah! What...
Bob: Yeah, but it's a John Grisham novel. It's very exhausting.
Mark: You didn't even tell the audience... [switches glass with torches in toolbar] what that is all about.
Bob: [to audience] Well... I work in a law firm, and, uh...
Wade: Wait, what happened to the school?
Bob: [to Wade] Hey, shut the fuck up!
Mark: Wait, what, law firm? What?
Wade: [inaudible] law firm...
Bob: I was making it awesome!
Mark: It was awesome before!
Bob: Aah, workin' at a school's not awesome...
Mark: Kind of is - [goes down to collect torches in the sponged area of the shore] ah, there's torches everywhere, by the way. This doesn't seem physically possible, but -
Bob: [laughs]
Wade: Could be a professional women's mud-wrestling tournament referee like me.
Bob: Mark!
Mark: [to audience] Yeah, Wade - Wade is... It's pretty awesome. He doesn't even let me get in for free, but it's okay though.
Wade: [laughs] You're in next time.
Mark: [to Wade] Yeah, no, you always say - you always say next time, but I'm never in, aren't I?
Wade: Well, if I always say next time, then you'll always keep coming back for more.
Bob: [inaudible]
Mark: [about game] How far down are you goin'?
Bob: I don't know, let's go all the way down, fuck it.
Mark: Yeah.
Wade: 'You two doin'?
Mark: What?
Bob: Wha, what?
Wade: Sounds like you two are havin' a time.
Bob: Goin' all the way down, what does it sound like we're doin'?
Wade: Sounds like you're fine without me.
Mark: [still confused] Huh?
Bob: Huh?
Mark: Whuh? What? [pauses] What?
Bob: Oh, no! No! The water came back!
Wade: [laughs]
Mark: Yes, it's doin' that.
Bob: We should probably start building things...
Mark: Uh, yeah, um...
Bob: Or we're gonna drown in a really weird way.
Mark: [lip bibble] Uh, glass house, yeah, okay, um... [lip bibble] [starts placing glass in front of the soaked up water perimeter] Fuck it. Just... [frustrated groan]
Bob: [laughing] What are you doing?
Mark: Shut up, I'm... I hate glass, I did this once, and it was terrible. I had to, eh- I swear, and I swore I'd never do it again, so I don't know why we're doin' it again...
Wade: I dunno, I've built three furnaces, I'm gonna start making glass.
Mark: [starts on wall] We already have glass!
Wade: When did we get glass?!
Mark: We have an umpteen million glass!
Wade: Well, we're gettin' more.
Mark: Why... ?
Wade: 'Cause no one told me we had glass.
Mark: We have glass...
Wade: If you did, I was too drunk to listen.
Mark: Well, you're not that drunk.
Bob: [to Mark] You're not that drunk.
Mark: I'm not, I'm-
Wade: No one's got that drunk.
[As Bob and Mark continue on the walls, water pours in over Bob's head.]
Bob: Oh, shit, there's water in here!
Mark: What da fuck did you do, Bob?!
Bob: I didn't do anything!
Mark: BOB! Bob, you son of a bitch!
Bob: [places sponges to soak up invading water] Wait, let's put sponges.
Wade: I don't know- where's my sand?!
Mark: [to Wade] Huh?
Bob: [laughs]
Wade: I've got no sand and tons of everything else...
Bob: Oh, fuck! Mark, we need a roof really bad!
Mark: [continuing on wall] Shut up, I'm getting there... Aah!
Wade: Could somebody give me some glass?
Mark: No...
Bob: No!
Wade: Zombie, could I get some glass, please?
Mark: NO!
Bob: [chuckles]
Wade: Zombie, don't listen to Mark, he's- he's too drunk.
Mark: N- No, I'm not drunk at all...
Wade: He's really making bad decisions right now, Zombie.
Mark: Zombie, don't do it, I will leave your server, I will tell everyone that I hate it!
Wade: No, he won't!
Mark: I wi- I totally will!
Wade: He loves you too much, he won't find anyone else that will cater to his retardedness.
Mark: Pff! Now that's just insulting!
Wade: Yes, I know, I feel bad for the retarded community for having compared you to them!
Mark: [scoffs and laughs] That's painful! Bob, defend me!
Wade: [laughs]
Bob: [unsure of what to say] Uh, it's not fun... to make fun of... special needs people.
Wade: I'm making fun of Mark, that's fine-
Bob: No, that's not nice.
Mark: Fuck you, Bob.
Bob: He can't even stand up for himself.
Mark: [starts on roof of underwater glass house] I don't need any of your sass! I have a YouTube channel, with-
Bob: I have a YouTube channel...
Mark: Thousands, thousands of subscribers...
Wade: You just lost, like, thousands of subscribers...
Mark: I have thousands of subscribers.
Wade: And they're all leaving by the dozens as of right now.
Mark: Why? Why would they?
Bob: Are we gonna be trapped in here permanently, is that how this is working?
Mark: [finishing roof] Yes, yes, because... I... hate you... Bob [replaces sponges and torches in toolbar with TNT and flint and steel respectively], and guess what? [places TNT everywhere] We're about to DIE! [ignites TNT]
Bob: [laughing] Oh, goddammit!
Mark: WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE! [places more TNT]
[Wade and Bob laugh]
Mark: [TNT blows up glass house] GAAAH!
Bob: Nope, only you, dick!
Mark: [survived explosion] No, I have God Mode apparently! [sees no one was killed in the explosion] Do you have God Mode, too?!
Bob: No, I took one heart of damage!
Mark: What da hell is that?!
Wade: Bob, tell me you have God Mode on, please.
Mark: That's fucking fucktabulous.
Wade: Woah, where am I? Why am I down here with you assholes?!
Mark: 'Cause we blew everything up. [all three start moving up out of the water] Okay, fuck the underwater cas- underwater house, I hate the idea of an underwater house, that's just stupid!
Bob: Oh, shit, there's water!
Mark: [sarcastic] Yeah, no kidding, Bob...
Bob: Well, there wasn't a second ago.
Mark: There's water now, Bob. Okay.
Bob: I'm really confused by the layout of this water.
Mark: Get ought- get oughtta the water, it's stupid.
Bob: I can't!
Mark: Get out...
Bob: I'm trapped in a weird... thing.
Mark: [groans]
Wade: Sounds like a personal problem.
Mark: Yeah, it does, doesn't it?
Bob: [reaches sea level] Alright, I'm out.
Mark: You're not.
Bob: I'm really confused by the physics of this water.
Mark: The sponge's messing up with the physics, man.
Bob: That's not how sponges work, and that's not how water works!
Mark: Shut up, Bob, you're in Minecraft, things don't make sense here...
Bob: That's not the point of Minecraft-
Mark: [looks at objectives list] Okay, anyway, cross underwater house off the list.
Wade: We didn't- !
Bob: [laughs loudly]
Wade: That was the worst underwater house of all time!
Mark: I won that!
Bob: You know what, it still technically counts!
Wade: Kanye West just popped up and said, "of all time!'
Mark: I- I won- I won the underwater house... just sayin' that right now... [puts name down]
Wade: No! No way in hell!
Bob: Fine by-
Mark: My name's by it! My name's by the list right there! I won it!
Wade: Okay-
Bob: What's next?
Mark: [reading] "Who can build the gayest house?
Wade: Mark, [inaudible]
Bob: Alright, Zombie, give us some gay stuff.
Wade: [sputters and laughs] What?
Bob: You know, gay stuff.
Wade: Strap-ons and whatnot, you know...
Mark: You want me to just claim that as a victory, 'cause I can... "Who could be the gayest house? Oop, won that!" [starts raining pink and purple wool blocks, which Bob and Wade subsequently collect] We- and we didn't even play, oh yeah! That's me- [sees squiddy13 typed "The YouTube channel" in the game chat] Huh? "The YouTube channel"?
Bob: [collecting wool] Hey look, there's some gay stuff.
Mark: What? YouTube?
Wade: Now hold on, why does pink and purple automatically mean gay?
Mark: Uh, I don't know.
Bob: Yeah, I like purple.
Mark: [opens inventory and hovers mouse arrow over pink wool] No, this is magenta, not purple. [corrects himself] Oh, that's purple, that's magenta.
Wade: Oh, shut the hell up.
Mark: This is magenta.
Bob: Mark WINS!
Mark: I win! Okay, so, anyway... [starts stacking magenta wool on Wade's wool castle foundation] Giant... [burps] 'Scuse me... [finishes with purple wool after magenta ran out] Ah, there we go. [views it from ground] Ah, it's good! And it's done!
[Bob and Wade laugh]
Mark: [starts covering it in TNT] Time to blow it up! Time to blow it up! [ignites] There we go!
Bob: Ah, son of a bitch!
Mark: [laughs]
Bob: Aaaah!
[Wade laughs and Mark snickers as the TNT explodes]
Wade: Oh no, all my iron!
Mark: Fuck your iron, no one gives a shit.
Wade: Fuck you...
Mark: You got the iron, I saw you pick it up.
Wade: I'm tryin'...
Mark: Okay, that's off the list- [crosses off "gay castle" objective off list] Okay, crossed off, okay, castle-
Wade: [laughing] When was it a house?!
Mark: Next, is "castle in the sky"... Build a castle in the sky.
Bob: I'm already working on it.
Wade: [burps]
[Mark heads over to Bob's wool castle foundation.]
Bob: It doesn't look like a castle yet, but just wait and see.
Mark: [starts digging a moat with diamond shovel] It's not even in the sky...
Bob: Yeah, I'm working on that, too, I was just gonna dig it out.
Mark: I'm digging it out for you!
Bob: It doesn't say that it has to be high in the sky.
Mark: True that, this is very true. [digs out dirt underneath castle]
Bob: It doesn't have to be in the sky, technically.
Mark: [to audience] You people need to be more explicit with your suggestions, those who are watching this in the future.
Bob: Also, this is gonna be the gayest castle in the sky, so... [puts glass blocks on second block layer]
Mark: Really?
Bob: ...Bonus points.
Wade: [sighs]
Mark: [looks over at Wade, who is making something off a stone pillar on the other side of the small crater] Wade, what are you doing?
Wade: Shut up.
Bob: [sarcastic and suggestive] What does it sound like he's doing, eh? Eh?
Mark: [heads over to Wade as he puts a blue wool block layer around the top of the stone column] Wade, what is that? Wade, what is this?
Wade: [inaudible] you.
Mark: Wade, what- what is this? What- what is this? [reaches down to do something] What is it supposed to be?
Wade: [finishes layer with magenta and purple wool blocks] My love confession.
Mark: To who...?
Wade: You.
Mark: [places TNT and ignites] Well, here's what I think of your love confession.
Wade: [laughing] Oh, shit!
Mark: Goodbye!
Bob: Hey, I bet Mark got his dynamite out and blew some stuff up.
Mark: [realizes what Wade was doing after seeing the wool blocks floating unscathed from TNT] Ohhh! Castle in the sky! [shouts as Wade builds a pink wool tower on the castle base, looks over at Bob's castle, which was continued with a yellow wool layer above the glass and red wool above that] Wade's got a castle in the sky!
Wade: Yeah!
Mark: Look at it!
Bob: Oh, son of a bitch!
Mark: Look!
Wade: [laughing]
Bob: My- mine's in the sky! I even - [rest is somewhat inaudible under Mark's shouting]
Wade: Oh, shut up. [rest is somewhat inaudible under Mark's shouting]
Mark: No! No, fuck your castle, look at that! Oh my God! Da- I'm putting your name down, Wade-
Bob: Mark, you are such a dick!
[Wade continues to construct his sky castle with cobblestone walls.]
Mark: "Wade won- Wade won the castle in the sky."
Wade: [chuckles]
Mark: ...With help from me.
Wade: [laughing] I've got a big pink penis floating above it all! [referring to single pink tower in a corner of the castle]
Mark: I'm- I- I put my name down by yours, Wade, 'cause I helped.
[Thunder in distance.]
Wade: [still laughing] Oh, bullshit! [Mark starts laughing] Alright, I don't care...
Mark: Okay, next... we're done with the castle in the sky! Castle in the sky is done! Next is "cactus maze"!
Bob: How the fuck do you get cactuses?
Mark: ZOMBIE!
[More thunder in distance]
Wade: Desert!
Mark: Cactuses!
Bob: Cocktuses?
Mark: Cactuses, cocktuses...
Wade: Cocktuses!
Mark: Zombie...
Bob: [BUTTERS] Uh, what's a cocktus?
Wade: [laughs]
Mark: Huhh, goddammit!
Wade: Ohh!
Bob: [laughs]
Mark: [kills spider] Zombie, please take away all of our glass and replace it with cactus.
Wade: I've only got two glass!
Mark: [sees sand starting to fill up the crater and replace surrounding blocks] Ah! Sand! It's appearing out of nowhere!
Wade: What the hell?
Mark: Are ya guys seein' this shit?!
Wade: Yes!
[Zombie starts raining cactus blocks and everyone runs around collecting it.]
Mark: Hey!
Bob: It's raining-
Wade: Cactus!
Mark: [laughs]
Wade: Cactus!
Mark: [laughs]
Bob: It's raining everything.
Wade: Cactus!
Mark: I like it... I like it a l- Okay, we need to build a maze. A - uh- I need more beer. [drinks]
Bob: I'm gonna build a maze in the style of Mark.
Wade: Hold on, let's make the entrance to the maze over here by this gay house.
Mark: Gay house, gay castle in the sky?
Bob: It's a gay castle in the sky!
Wade: No, this one! This one! [referring to Bob's castle]
Bob: Oh.
Mark: This o- oh! He's talking about yours, Bob. [pause] Okay, so-
Wade: Hang on, do we want two blocks wide, for the... ?
Mark: I can't place it on anything but sand, I forgot.
Wade: Oh.
Mark: Cactus has to be placed on sand.
Wade: I can't place more than one
Mark: [sees Bob starting the maze, but with a block of space between cacti] Bob, this is terrible... but I'm not gonna destroy it.
Wade: I can't place cactus... right next to itself.
Mark: What? Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, that's why a maze!
Wade: [puts a cactus down, again two blocks away from the cactus next to it] It's the worst maze ever! [cracking up]
Mark: Whoever came up with this [sputters] with this idea obviously didn't understand Minecraft, so... whatever, whatever. [starts stacking cacti one by two]
Wade: [chuckles]
Mark: Whatever!
Wade: [laughing] This is the worst maze ever!
Mark: This is- this is honestly pretty terrible, I-I-I will not deny. [pause] Blow it up! [places TNT around maze] Blow it up!
Wade: [chuckles]
Mark: [ignites] Blow it up! Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up-
Wade: Oh, crap!
Mark: ...Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up, blow it up! [heads over to Bob's maze as TNT explodes and places TNT on Bob's maze] Blow this up, too! All this goes blow up!
Bob: Hey, mine was a maze, technically!
Mark: [ignites TNT] It was not! It was not!
Bob: Well, I'm gonna die, then!
Mark: Now it's a crater.
[TNT explodes, leaving a huge crater connecting to the other crater.]
Wade: Aah!
Mark: Good job. [sees Bob propelled by TNT and stops in midair] Wow, you- [Bob falls] Okay. [walks over to crater to see Bob dead with his belongings in one pile] [chuckling] You broke your fall with your own face, look at all that stuff on the ground. [pauses] Okay, I won that one. [reaches for objective list] Okay? I won that on-
Wade: How the hell did you- [unknowingly picks up over half of Bob's belongings] Oh, I just picked up all of Bob's stuff.
Bob: Dick.
Mark: [in background] IIIIII won. III won that one.
Wade: I did not mean too.
Mark: Okay! Now some crap with redstone!
Bob: Um... redstone?
Wade: Um, I-I don't have any redstone? Where's Bob at? Here, Bob, I'm gonna throw stuff down this hole for ya.
Mark: [looks up from list] Huh? What? What- some crap with redstone, hang on. [thunder]
[Silence for a few seconds, which Mark reacts with a dramatic face]
Mark: You guys there?
Wade: Yeah?
Mark: [relieved] Okay, I was just-
Bob: No.
Mark: Okay. [looks behind to see a pile of redstone and redstone dust already laid in a three-by-three square with the farthest corner missing] Ah, there's redstone! [heads over and collects redstone] We got redstone here. [pauses while collecting redstone, sticky pistons start raining] Okay, [inaudible].
Wade: I don't know what else you had...
Mark: [switches things in toolbar with redstone dust.] [after long pause] Ah, okay-
Bob: I don't really need cactuses and string.
Mark: Okay, so-
Wade: [laughs] [inaudible, something like "I don't know why, it's a habit." or I don't know why there's a rabbit." Please rewatch this scene at 20:51 to make sense of it.]
Mark: [notices sticky pistons] Hey look, it's sticky pistons! It's sticky pistons... yeah..
Wade: Oh, sweet, what are we going...?
Mark: We're building some crap with redstone! And we need, I don't know, switches or something...
Bob: We should do something funny with redstone and dynamite.
Wade: I'm gonna drink while you guys do something funny with redstone and dynamite.
Mark: I got an idea, hang on, I got an idea...
Wade: [sarcastically] Well, that's a first.
Mark: This is gonna be kinda complicated.
Wade: [reading chat] "Don't touch my doggie"...?
Mark: [to Zombiemold] I need- I need cobblestone! [begins clearing out inventory of unneeded material] No, I need pink wool! I need pink wool! I need pink wool real bad...
Wade: I got magenta wool.
Mark: I need- I need lot- thank you. [picks up Wade's magenta wool, which there are only seven of] I need more, I need more! I need more pink wool.
Bob: I-I don't have any. I have one purple and blue wool.
Mark: [jumping in place mid-game] I need more. I need more. I need more. I need more. [sees pink wool raining by the stack] There we go! Ah, this is actually pink wool. [quieter] I love you. Yeah. [normal pitch] You guys do you thing, I'm gonna do my thing, [switches to pickaxe and heads toward nearby hills] and we'll see who- I need more sticky pistons! Uh, [checks inventory] yes, I need- hang on. [pauses] What's the- ?
Wade: Here, Mark-
Mark: WHat?
Wade: Down here.