CASTLE IN THE SKY/Transcript

Transcript
Mark: Hello everybody, and welcome to -

Bob: [inaudible interruption]

Mark: SHUT UP!

[Wade and Bob laugh.]

Bob: Are you- are you doing the intro?

Mark: Yes! Welcome back to-

Wade: Hello everybody, this is Wade here..

Mark: Shut up!

Bob: Hello everybody, this is muyskerm.

Mark: Welcome back to Drunk Minecraft- [to Bob and Wade] I will...

Wade: [chuckles]

Mark: Okay-

Wade: Alright, Mark, finish it off man. We got it started for ya.

Mark: I did, I-

Bob: [walks up to Mark in-game] [imitates Mark's outro] Buh-bye!

[Mark and Wade chuckle]

Bob: Oh wait, no..

Wade: That doesn't sound right.

Mark: Fuck you guys...

Bob: [laughs]

Mark: Up the anus...

Bob: Alright, no, do it, do it, I won't say a word.

Mark: No, i-i-it's done. Fuck it, it's done. That's it, that's the intro!

[Bob and Wade start cracking up.]

Mark: That's the intro...

Wade: [repeats Mark while laughing] That's the intro...

[All three laugh.]

Mark: Okay, so, anyway, [looks over a large crater in the ground] you see this swath of devastation here? That's where-

Bob: Oh, geez!

Mark: the ending of the last episode left off...

[Wade and Bob chuckle]

Bob: I still can't believe that happened.

Mark: [as he drinks] Oh it's- it was cool.

Bob: Look at that mountain, there's like one...

Wade: Hey, could we- Zombie, could we get that bread, 'cause I am dying [laughs] I think-

Mark: [sips drink] Yeah.

Wade: or do we got God Mode on?

Mark: [open inventory and sees most of it filled with full stacks of glass] Oh, wow, I got glass out the ass, like everything is glass.

Bob: Ass glass?

Wade: I've got nothin'.

Mark: Yes, Bob, ass glass.

Wade: I mean, I've got diamond tools and diamond armor, but...

Mark: [puts some glass in toolbar slots] There we go, I've-

Bob [to Wade]: Well, you don't have shit then.

Mark: [Zombie puts bread in Mark's toolbar] I got bread, did you guys get bread?

Bob: No.

Wade: No, not yet [inaudible]

Mark: Well, fuck you guys then, ha ha ha. Okay, so, we're gonna actually do an objective here [searches for objective list on his desk], which is an underwater house. And I think it's...

Wade: [receives bread from Zombie] Thank you so much, Zombie.

Mark: I think that's what we decided on, right? Right?

Wade: Yeah.

Mark: Right? Okay. Hang on, first I'm gonna get this iron and cobblestone 'cause we need to get furnaces for, um... What do we need furnaces for?

Wade: I don't know-

Bob: We have a bunch of glass.

Wade: Glass, to make glass.

Mark: Oh, yeah, um...

Wade: Hold on... NO!

Mark: Buckets! Bucket, buckets, buckets, buckets...

Wade: I can't hear you!

Mark: [jumps into crater and moves through] Buck- what?

Wade: I don't care...

Mark: Wade, are you talking to someone?

Bob: Yeah.

Wade: Yeah, my brother's yellin' at me.

Mark: [chuckles] This's professional! Minecrafting!

Wade: Well- [groans]

Mark: [starts mining iron] You [sputters]... Tell him to...

Bob: What does a sponge do? I have a sponge...

Mark: I have a sponge too, I don't know what a sponge does.

Bob: I'm gonna soak up the ocean!

Wade: This is professional...

Mark: Does it work like that?

Bob: I would assume, why the hell else would we have a sponge?

Mark: I don't know, I don't even know where you get sponge.

Bob: Suck it, ocean!

Mark: [parkours to another iron deposit] I'm just getting the iron so that we can - [sees player squidy13 spamming the in-game chat] [starts mining the iron] Ah, squidy's spammin'. Squidy's spammin'!

Wade: Who's- dude, someone's tryin' to teleport to me.

Mark: Why?

Wade: I don't know, I didn't see who it was.

Mark: [sputters] Tell 'em to fuck off.

Wade: [reads Longcat1996, the name of the player who attempted to port to him] longcat96?

[Mark continues to mine iron.]

Wade: [reads Zombie's message in the chat] "Deny teleports". Oh, you got it, bud.

[All three start talking at the same time.]

Bob: [inaudible]

Mark: I finally got-

Bob: I'm probably gonna catch a lot of heat from this, but where the hell are you guys?

Mark: [mining iron] We're in the cavern, getting some iron.

Wade: I'm in a pit! [pauses] I'm getting coal and iron.

Mark: [mining stone out of his way] Well, could we get some-

Bob: IR'N?

Mark: ...buckets? [pauses] IR'N?

Wade: I've got 27 iron, bud!

Bob: That's probably enough.

Wade: NO!

Mark: He's not your bud, pal...

Bob: Wow, I totally, like, went a little gay there for a second.

Wade: [laughs]

Mark: [confused] What?

Bob: Just- Did you not hear that? I was all "That's probably enough".

Mark: [silently laughs] No, we didn't pick up on that at all!

Bob: Oh. It comes out sometimes.

Wade: [imitates stereotypical gay voice] That is super serial everybody.

Mark: What?

Bob: Oh, well that's offensive.

[Mark and Bob move up a hill in-game.]

[After a pause, all three start talking at the same time, reacting to Wade's gay imitation.]

Mark: [laughs] Yes, THAT'S offensive.

Bob: 'Cause gay people [inaudible] say that...

Wade: [inaudible] Come on, you got, you got- do the Butters.

Bob: [chuckles] What?

Wade: Do the Butters!

Bob: What do you mean, "do the Butters?"

Wade: [laughs and sputters]

Mark: Do it!

Wade: You know exactly what I mean!

Mark: You know what we're talkin' about!

Wade: There's only one way to do the Butters!

Bob: You guys are forcing my hand here, I was gonna save it for something awesome.

Wade: We've already heard it once!

Mark: [refers to audience] THEY haven't!

Bob: [refers to audience] They probably haven't heard of it!

Wade: During the intro!

Mark: [tries to craft a furnace, but sees the four-square crafting slot in his inventory does not have enough space.] I need a table!

Bob: You know what I could do, I could do the, uh...

Mark: ZOMBIE!

Wade: [chuckles]

Mark: Zombie, I need a table!

Bob: [laughs]

Wade: Mark, you're so demanding, I doubt Zombie's going to give you anything!

Mark:  Zombie, right now! [points to toolbar] A crafting table... ZOMBIE!

[Bob and Wade laugh.]

Wade: Where are you guys at?

Bob: Standing on top of the mountain, doing nothing.

Mark: [receives crafting table and buckets from Zombie] Thank you, Zombie. [sees buckets in inventory and places down crafting table] Hey, he gave me buckets, so I don't need it anymore... [crafts furnace]

Bob: I'm gonna finish my house that you assholes tried to blow up.

Mark: Can I, Zombie -

Wade: I didn't - hold, hold the phone, I didn't blow up anything!

Bob: You're still an asshole.

Wade: Okay, I can't argue with that, but I didn't start blowing anything up.

Mark: [crafts three furnaces and places them next to the crafting table] Zombie, can I have TNT so I can blow up his house again?

Bob: Ooh- I don't wanna go down there.

Wade: Yes, you do -

Mark: Zombie, I need TNT to blow up his house [receives TNT] thank you very much...

Wade: No, Zombie, do not let him blow up the house again!

Mark: And flint and steel, I need a flint and steel! Flint and steel, I need flint and steel, please, yes, thank you.

Wade: We need to build a glass house, not blow up old houses!

Mark: Please, thank you, that'd be flint and st- [receives flint and steel] yes, thank you, thank you so much!

Bob: Mark, where are you?

Wade: Can we please just start on the new house?

Mark: [to Bob] I'm looking for YOU...

Bob: [standing several meters in-game in front of Mark] I'm right here!

Mark: [runs to Bob] Oh, okay, where's the house?

Bob: I- it doesn't exist!

Mark: Oh!

Wade: [laughs]

Bob: [shows Mark remains of his house that was destroyed by Mark in the previous episode] This is it.

Mark: Oh, this is it? This is awfully sad...

Bob: You killed it, so I'm gonna kill myself. [falls of cliff in-game]

Mark: Okay.

Wade: I've got tons of coal, could we go do stuff with sand?

Mark: Bye-bye.

Bob: [falls and aims to water as it stops fall with no damage, but misses and hits just a block away from the water and dies from fall damage] Oh fuck, I actually killed myself.

[Mark and Bob crack up.]

Mark: [starts placing TNT around the remains of Bob's house] And I'm gonna blow up everything - [falls while placing TNT] Fuck, and I fell.

Bob: Well, I'm sorry Zombie -

Wade: Well I just found diamond at the bottom.

Bob: I got really excited and I... killed myself a little bit.

Mark: [places more TNT at where he landed and ignites it] You went off a little early 'cause you got so excited, is that what happened? Wade: Mark has that problem at lot.

Mark: [heading toward a large chunk of TNT that did not explode at the end of the previous episode] Shut up, no I don't. I do not.

Wade: He totally does.

Mark: I do not.

Bob: I currently cannot get out the water I am trapped in. That's good.

Wade: Mark has a condition, everyone should subscribe to feel sorry for his condition.

Mark: [confused, flabbergasted] Wha- what are you talkin' about? Everyone subscribes 'cause I'm so awe-

Wade: Mark, there's nothing wrong with prematureness.

Mark: They subscribe 'cause I'm so awesome. You don't even know.

Wade: Okay, no one subscribes 'cause you're awesome, they subscribe 'cause you scream like a girl, and because they feel sorry for you.

Mark: Okay, that actually, that seems more accurate.

Wade: [laughs]

Mark: That - that pretty much explains everything I have ever done.

Wade: Everyone knows Lord Minion is the awesome one.

Mark: Everyone knows Lord Minion sucks ten cocks in a row.

Wade: I'm talented, not that -

Bob: In a row?!

Mark: [view suddenly turns dark] Ah! It's dark - it's dark, what's goin' on?! [digs out]

Wade: It's probably nighttime.

Mark: No, I fell in, I got in, like in a hole... [starts moving toward TNT again] I'm tryin' towards - here we go. [screen turns dark again] What the f-? I keep fallin' in [digs out]

Wade: I have, like, 47 iron, and like, 80 coal.

Mark: [glitches back a couple of blocks] Okay, for some reason, I can't get towards this TNT [continues to get glitched back to same spot] [chuckles] Something's blocking me from the TNT!

Wade: Zombie, block him from the TNT!

Mark: [digs dirt out of the way] I'm tryin' to get to the TNT!

Wade: He does not need to get to the TNT.

Bob: I thought we were gonna build a glass house!

Mark: Fuck the glass house!

Wade: I thought we were gonna build a glass house, too, I've been stocking up to build this glass house and Mark's just tryin' to to destroy everybody.

Mark: Well, Bob killed himself, so he lost his glass. [glitches into darkness again] Ah, come on! [digs out] Alright, fine, fuck it. [gives up on reaching the TNT and heads toward the other two]

Wade: If we can go someplace with sand, I've got plenty of coal to make that.

Mark: Alright, fine, I'm getting away...

Bob: I've got a bunch of glass.

Mark: [makes goofy face] [possibly inaudible]

Wade: Hey's let's go back to that jungle biome, where we were right on the water, with sand.

Mark: No, fuck that. There's water right over there. [starts to leave the crater] Right over there, come, like -

Wade: I'm in a giant pit! I can't see anything -

Mark: Get out of there! Come over here.

Wade: Fine, I'm right behind you, where are - where?

Mark: Come with me, come with me... come with me!

Wade: [sounding defeated] I see it...

Mark: It's like an enormous ocean of - more beer. [takes drink]

Wade: Dude, that sounds awesome, an enormous ocean of more beer.

Mark [finishes drink] Aah! [sees a zombie next to him] Hello, zombie. Ah...

Wade: Speaking of which, I'm gonna need to finish this drink soon.

Mark: Finish it!

[A creeper explodes near Mark, but deals no damage.]

Wade: I don't - I guess I've got no reason not to.

Mark: Okay, so we got our giant ocean here, and we got glass, so let's do something about that. [opens inventory and switches out a few items in toolbar with some of the glass he has]\

Bob: Ooh, I don't have any food, do you guys have food?

Mark: [heading to the ocean] Yeah, I do, but I'm not gonna give you any of it.

Wade: I've got, like, 60 bread.

Bob: [to Wade] Can I have, like, two of those?

Wade: Yeah, where are you?

Bob: Killing a zombie by Mark.

Mark: Wha - huh?

Wade: Alright - ah, creeper!

Mark: [sets a sponge in the ocean next to the dirt, the sponge soaks up the surrounding water] Oh, the sponge does soak it up!

Bob: [to Wade] Oh, that's not Mark, that's you.

Mark: That's awesome.

Wade: [to Bob] Where you at, man?

Bob: Behind you. [creepy voice] Right behind you.

Mark: The sponge is useful!

Wade: [to Bob] I just threw some on the ground.

Mark: Guys, this sponge is, like, awesome!

Wade: [to Mark] Spo- what the hell? What are you doing?

Mark: [places more sponges in the water, soaking it up] Look, just place a sponge! Like, I never knew this before.

Wade: Place a sponge?

Bob: Place it?

Wade: Where do we get sponges?

Mark: I got sponges.

Bob: How do you place it?

Mark: You just right-click, you douche-nozzle!

Wade: Then what?

Mark: Then it soaks - !

Bob: Oh, shi- oh, shit!

Wade: I placed the sponge! Now what do I do, break it?

Mark: [annoyed] It's like - what are we gonna do with you guys on here?

Bob: No, Wade, come here, look, watch this. [pause as he places sponge down] Wow.

Mark: [confused] What?

Wade: Oh, dude, we're soakin' up water.

Mark: Exactlyyy...

Bob: Alright, I'm gonna start the foundation of the glass house. And, uh...

Wade: Zombie, I didn't know this existed. Thank you.

Mark: I didn't either!

Bob: Mark's gonna make -

Mark: [to Bob] Wha - fuck you!

Bob: What?

Mark: [mocking] Huh?

Bob: I didn't say anything.

Mark: Wha? Huh? Okay.

Bob: Huh? Wha?

Mark: Huh?

Mark and Bob: Wha?

Mark: Shut up... [reaches the foundation of the glass house Bob is working on] I can uninvite you to this Drunk Minecraft.

Bob: Oh, fuck. It got really dark, and I'm apparently -

Wade: [to Mark] You can uninvite us, but you can't un-drunk us!

Mark: [scoffs] Very true, Wade. This is a factual statement that you just said.

Wade: Ah dude, I'm full of facts! Oh, you albino spider piece of crap!

Mark: Zombie, could we get torches? Torches?

Wade: We need some wood.

Bob: We're the laziest Minecrafters ever.

Mark: [to Bob] Shut up, we're... efficient.

Bob: Zombie, can you find me a job?

Mark: Pff, you have a job! [heres nearby creeper explosion] Ah! What...

Bob: Yeah, but it's a John Grisham novel. It's very exhausting.

Mark: You didn't even tell the audience... [switches glass with torches in toolbar] what that is all about.

Bob: [to audience] Well... I work in a law firm, and, uh...

Wade: Wait, what happened to the school?

Bob: [to Wade] Hey, shut the fuck up!

Mark: Wait, what, law firm? What?

Wade: [inaudible] law firm...

Bob: I was making it awesome!

Mark: It was awesome before!

Bob: Aah, workin' at a school's not awesome...

Mark: Kind of is - [goes down to collect torches in the sponged area of the shore] ah, there's torches everywhere, by the way. This doesn't seem physically possible, but -

Bob: [laughs]

Wade: Could be a professional women's mud-wrestling tournament referee like me.

Bob: Mark!

Mark: [to audience] Yeah, Wade - Wade is... It's pretty awesome. He doesn't even let me get in for free, but it's okay though.

Wade: [laughs] You're in next time.

Mark: [to Wade] Yeah, no,  you always say - you always say next time, but I'm never in, aren't I?

Wade: Well, if I always say next time, then you'll always keep coming back for more.

Bob: [inaudible]

Mark: [about game] How far down are you goin'?

Bob: I don't know, let's go all the way down, fuck it.

Mark: Yeah.

Wade: 'You two doin'?

Mark: What?

Bob: Wha, what?

Wade: Sounds like you two are havin' a time.

Bob: Goin' all the way down, what does it sound like we're doin'?

Wade: Sounds like you're fine without me.

Mark: [still confused] Huh?

Bob: Huh?

Mark: Whuh? What? [pauses] What?

Bob: Oh, no! No! The water came back!

Wade: [laughs]

Mark: Yes, it's doin' that.

Bob: We should probably start building things...

Mark: Uh, yeah, um...

Bob: Or we're gonna drown in a really weird way.

Mark: [lip bibble] Uh, glass house, yeah, okay, um... [lip bibble] [starts placing glass in front of the soaked up water perimeter] Fuck it. Just... [frustrated groan]

Bob: [laughing] What are you doing?

Mark: Shut up, I'm... I hate glass, I did this once, and it was terrible. I had to, eh- I swear, and I swore I'd never do it again, so I don't know why we're doin' it again...

Wade: I dunno, I've built three furnaces, I'm gonna start making glass.

Mark: [starts on wall] We already have glass!

Wade: When did we get glass?!

Mark: We have an umpteen million glass!

Wade: Well, we're gettin' more.

Mark: Why... ?

Wade: 'Cause no one told me we had glass.

Mark: We have glass...

Wade: If you did, I was too drunk to listen.

Mark: Well, you're not that drunk.

Bob: [to Mark] You're not that drunk.

Mark: I'm not, I'm-

Wade: No one's got that drunk.

[As Bob and Mark continue on the walls, water pours in over Bob's head.]

Bob: Oh, shit, there's water in here!

Mark: What da fuck did you do, Bob?!

Bob: I didn't do anything!

Mark: BOB! Bob, you son of a bitch!

Bob: [places sponges to soak up invading water] Wait, let's put sponges.

Wade: I don't know- where's my sand?!

Mark: [to Wade] Huh?

Bob: [laughs]

Wade: I've got no sand and tons of everything else...

Bob: Oh, fuck! Mark, we need a roof really bad!

Mark: [continuing on wall] Shut up, I'm getting there... Aah!

Wade: Could somebody give me some glass?

Mark: No...

Bob: No!

Wade: Zombie, could I get some glass, please?

Mark: NO!

Bob: [chuckles]

Wade: Zombie, don't listen to Mark, he's- he's too drunk.

Mark: N- No, I'm not drunk at all...

Wade: He's really making bad decisions right now, Zombie.

Mark: Zombie, don't do it, I will leave your server, I will tell everyone that I hate it!

Wade: No, he won't!

Mark: I wi- I totally will!

Wade: He loves you too much, he won't find anyone else that will cater to his retardedness.

Mark: Pff! Now that's just insulting!

Wade: Yes, I know, I feel bad for the retarded community for having compared you to them!

Mark: [scoffs and laughs] That's painful! Bob, defend me!

Wade: [laughs]

Bob: [unsure of what to say] Uh, it's not fun... to make fun of... special needs people.

Wade: I'm making fun of Mark, that's fine-

Bob: No, that's not nice.

Mark: Fuck you, Bob.

Bob: He can't even stand up for himself.

Mark: [starts on roof of underwater glass house] I don't need any of your sass! I have a YouTube channel, with-

Bob: I have a YouTube channel...

Mark: Thousands, thousands of subscribers...

Wade: You just lost, like, thousands of subscribers...

Mark: I have thousands of subscribers.

Wade: And they're all leaving by the dozens as of right now.

Mark: Why? Why would they?

Bob: Are we gonna be trapped in here permanently, is that how this is working?

Mark: [finishing roof] Yes, yes, because... I... hate you... Bob [replaces sponges and torches in toolbar with TNT and flint and steel respectively], and guess what? [places TNT everywhere] We're about to DIE! [ignites TNT]

Bob: [laughing] Oh, goddammit!

Mark: WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE! [places more TNT]

[Wade and Bob laugh]

Mark: [TNT blows up glass house] GAAAH!

Bob: Nope, only you, dick!

Mark: [survived explosion] No, I have God Mode apparently! [sees no one was killed in the explosion] Do you have God Mode, too?!

Bob: No, I took one heart of damage!

Mark: What da hell is that?!

Wade: Bob, tell me you have God Mode on, please.

Mark: That's fucking fucktabulous.

Wade: Woah, where am I? Why am I down here with you assholes?!

Mark: 'Cause we blew everything up. [all three start moving up out of the water] Okay, fuck the underwater cas- underwater house, I hate the idea of an underwater house, that's just stupid!

Bob: Oh, shit, there's water!

Mark: [sarcastic] Yeah, no kidding, Bob...

Bob: Well, there wasn't a second ago.

Mark: There's water now, Bob. Okay.

Bob: I'm really confused by the layout of this water.

Mark: Get ought- get oughtta the water, it's stupid.

Bob: I can't!

Mark: Get out...

Bob: I'm trapped in a weird... thing.

Mark: [groans]

Wade: Sounds like a personal problem.

Mark: Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Bob: [reaches sea level] Alright, I'm out.

Mark: You're not.

Bob: I'm really confused by the physics of this water.

Mark: The sponge's messing up with the physics, man.

Bob: That's not how sponges work, and that's not how water works!

Mark: Shut up, Bob, you're in Minecraft, things don't make sense here...

Bob: That's not the point of Minecraft-

Mark: [looks at objectives list] Okay, anyway, cross underwater house off the list.

Wade: We didn't- !

Bob: [laughs loudly]

Wade: That was the worst underwater house of all time!

Mark: I won that!

Bob: You know what, it still technically counts!

Wade: Kanye West just popped up and said, "of all time!'

Mark: I- I won- I won the underwater house... just sayin' that right now... [puts name down]

Wade: No! No way in hell!

Bob: Fine by-

Mark: My name's by it! My name's by the list right there! I won it!

Wade: Okay-

Bob: What's next?

Mark: [reading] "Who can build the gayest house?

Wade: Mark, [inaudible]

Bob: Alright, Zombie, give us some gay stuff.

Wade: [sputters and laughs] What?

Bob: You know, gay stuff.

Wade: Strap-ons and whatnot, you know...

Mark: You want me to just claim that as a victory, 'cause I can... "Who could be the gayest house? Oop, won that!" [starts raining pink and purple wool blocks, which Bob and Wade subsequently collect] We- and we didn't even play, oh yeah! That's me- [sees squiddy13 typed "The YouTube channel" in the game chat] Huh? "The YouTube channel"?

Bob: [collecting wool] Hey look, there's some gay stuff.

Mark: What? YouTube?

Wade: Now hold on, why does pink and purple automatically mean gay?

Mark: Uh, I don't know.

Bob: Yeah, I like purple.

Mark: [opens inventory and hovers mouse arrow over pink wool] No, this is magenta, not purple. [corrects himself] Oh, that's purple, that's magenta.

Wade: Oh, shut the hell up.

Mark: This is magenta.

Bob: Mark WINS!

Mark: I win! Okay, so, anyway... [starts stacking magenta wool on Wade's wool castle foundation] Giant... [burps] 'Scuse me... [finishes with purple wool after magenta ran out] Ah, there we go. [views it from ground] Ah, it's good! And it's done!

[Bob and Wade laugh]

Mark: [starts covering it in TNT] Time to blow it up! Time to blow it up! [ignites] There we go!

Bob: Ah, son of a bitch!

Mark: [laughs]

Bob: Aaaah!

[Wade laughs and Mark snickers as the TNT explodes]

Wade: Oh no, all my iron!

Mark: Fuck your iron, no one gives a shit.

Wade: Fuck you...

Mark: You got the iron, I saw you pick it up.

Wade: I'm tryin'...

Mark: Okay, that's off the list- [crosses off "gay castle" objective off list] Okay, crossed off, okay, castle-

Wade: [laughing] When was it a house?!

Mark: Next, is "castle in the sky"... Build a castle in the sky.

Bob: I'm already working on it.

Wade: [burps]

[Mark heads over to Bob's wool castle foundation.]

Bob: It doesn't look like a castle yet, but just wait and see.

Mark: [starts digging a moat with diamond shovel] It's not even in the sky...

Bob: Yeah, I'm working on that, too, I was just gonna dig it out.

Mark: I'm digging it out for you!

Bob: It doesn't say that it has to be high in the sky.

Mark: True that, this is very true. [digs out dirt underneath castle]

Bob: It doesn't have to be in the sky, technically.

Mark: [to audience] You people need to be more explicit with your suggestions, those who are watching this in the future.

Bob: Also, this is gonna be the gayest castle in the sky, so... [puts glass blocks on second block layer]

Mark: Really?

Bob: ...Bonus points.

Wade: [sighs]

Mark: [looks over at Wade, who is making something off a stone pillar on the other side of the small crater] Wade, what are you doing?

Wade: Shut up.

Bob: [sarcastic and suggestive] What does it sound like he's doing, eh? Eh?

Mark: [heads over to Wade as he puts a blue wool block layer around the top of the stone column] Wade, what is that? Wade, what is this?

Wade: [inaudible] you.

Mark: Wade, what- what is this? What- what is this? [reaches down to do something] What is it supposed to be?

Wade: [finishes layer with magenta and purple wool blocks] My love confession.

Mark: To who...?

Wade: You.

Mark: [places TNT and ignites] Well, here's what I think of your love confession.

Wade: [laughing] Oh, shit!

Mark: Goodbye!

Bob: Hey, I bet Mark got his dynamite out and blew some stuff up.

Mark: [realizes what Wade was doing after seeing the wool blocks floating unscathed from TNT] Ohhh! Castle in the sky! [shouts as Wade builds a pink wool tower on the castle base, looks over at Bob's castle, which was continued with a yellow wool layer above the glass and red wool above that] Wade's got a castle in the sky!

Wade: Yeah!

Mark: Look at it!

Bob: Oh, son of a bitch!

Mark: Look!

Wade: [laughing]

Bob: My- mine's in the sky! I even - [rest is somewhat inaudible under Mark's shouting]

Wade: Oh, shut up. [rest is somewhat inaudible under Mark's shouting]

Mark: No! No, fuck your castle, look at that! Oh my God! Da- I'm putting your name down, Wade-

Bob: Mark, you are such a dick!

[Wade continues to construct his sky castle with cobblestone walls.]

Mark: "Wade won- Wade won the castle in the sky."

Wade: [chuckles]

Mark: ...With help from me.

Wade: [laughing] I've got a big pink penis floating above it all! [referring to single pink tower in a corner of the castle]

Mark: I'm- I- I put my name down by yours, Wade, 'cause I helped.

[Thunder in distance.]

Wade: [still laughing] Oh, bullshit! [Mark starts laughing] Alright, I don't care...

Mark: Okay, next... we're done with the castle in the sky! Castle in the sky is done! Next is "cactus maze"!

Bob: How the fuck do you get cactuses?

Mark: ZOMBIE!

[More thunder in distance]

Wade: Desert!

Mark: Cactuses!

Bob: Cocktuses?

Mark: Cactuses, cocktuses...

Wade: Cocktuses!

Mark: Zombie...

Bob: [BUTTERS] Uh, what's a cocktus?

Wade: [laughs]

Mark: Huhh, goddammit!

Wade: Ohh!

Bob: [laughs]

Mark: [kills spider] Zombie, please take away all of our glass and replace it with cactus.

Wade: I've only got two glass!

Mark: [sees sand starting to fill up the crater and replace surrounding blocks] Ah! Sand! It's appearing out of nowhere!

Wade: What the hell?

Mark: Are ya guys seein' this shit?!

Wade: Yes!

[Zombie starts raining cactus blocks and everyone runs around collecting it.]

Mark: Hey!

Bob: It's raining-

Wade: Cactus!

Mark: [laughs]

Wade: Cactus!

Mark: [laughs]

Bob: It's raining everything.

Wade: Cactus!

Mark: I like it... I like it a l- Okay, we need to build a maze. A - uh- I need more beer. [drinks]

Bob: I'm gonna build a maze in the style of Mark.

Wade: Hold on, let's make the entrance to the maze over here by this gay house.

Mark: Gay house, gay castle in the sky?

Bob: It's a gay castle in the sky!

Wade: No, this one! This one! [referring to Bob's castle]

Bob: Oh.

Mark: This o- oh! He's talking about yours, Bob. [pause] Okay, so-

Wade: Hang on, do we want two blocks wide, for the... ?

Mark: I can't place it on anything but sand, I forgot.

Wade: Oh.

Mark: Cactus has to be placed on sand.

Wade: I can't place more than one

Mark: [sees Bob starting the maze, but with a block of space between cacti] Bob, this is terrible... but I'm not gonna destroy it.

Wade: I can't place cactus... right next to itself.

Mark: What? Oh, yeah, that's right. Well, that's why a maze!

Wade: [puts a cactus down, again two blocks away from the cactus next to it] It's the worst maze ever! [cracking up]

Mark: Whoever came up with this [sputters] with this idea obviously didn't understand Minecraft, so... whatever, whatever. [starts stacking cacti one by two]

Wade: [chuckles]

Mark: Whatever!

Wade: [laughing] This is the worst maze ever!

Mark: This is- this is honestly pretty terrible, I-I-I will not deny. [pause] Blow it up! [places TNT around maze] Blow it up!

Wade: [chuckles]

Mark: [ignites] Blow it up! Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up-

Wade: Oh, crap!

Mark: ...Blow it up, blow it up, blow it up, blow it up! [heads over to Bob's maze as TNT explodes and places TNT on Bob's maze] Blow this up, too! All this goes blow up!

Bob: Hey, mine was a maze, technically!

Mark: [ignites TNT] It was not! It was not!

Bob: Well, I'm gonna die, then!

Mark: Now it's a crater.

[TNT explodes, leaving a huge crater connecting to the other crater.]

Wade: Aah!

Mark: Good job. [sees Bob propelled by TNT and stops in midair] Wow, you- [Bob falls] Okay. [walks over to crater to see Bob dead with his belongings in one pile] [chuckling] You broke your fall with your own face, look at all that stuff on the ground. [pauses]  Okay, I won that one. [reaches for objective list] Okay? I won that on-

Wade: How the hell did you- [unknowingly picks up over half of Bob's belongings] Oh, I just picked up all of Bob's stuff.

Bob: Dick.

Mark: [in background] IIIIII won. III won that one.

Wade: I did not mean too.

Mark: Okay! Now some crap with redstone!

Bob: Um... redstone?

Wade: Um, I-I don't have any redstone? Where's Bob at? Here, Bob, I'm gonna throw stuff down this hole for ya.

Mark: [looks up from list] Huh? What? What- some crap with redstone, hang on. [thunder]

[Silence for a few seconds, which Mark reacts with a dramatic face]

Mark: You guys there?

Wade: Yeah?

Mark: [relieved] Okay, I was just-

Bob: No.

Mark: Okay. [looks behind to see a pile of redstone and redstone dust already laid in a three-by-three square with the farthest corner missing] Ah, there's redstone! [heads over and collects redstone] We got redstone here. [pauses while collecting redstone, sticky pistons start raining] Okay, [inaudible].

Wade: I don't know what else you had...

Mark: [switches things in toolbar with redstone dust.] [after long pause] Ah, okay-

Bob: I don't really need cactuses and string.

Mark: Okay, so-

Wade: [laughs] [''inaudible, something like "I don't know why, it's a habit." or I don't know why there's a rabbit." Please rewatch this scene at 20:51 to make sense of it.'']

Mark: [notices sticky pistons] Hey look, it's sticky pistons! It's sticky pistons... yeah..

Wade: Oh, sweet, what are we going...?

Mark: We're building some crap with redstone! And we need, I don't know, switches or something...

Bob: We should do something funny with redstone and dynamite.

Wade: I'm gonna drink while you guys do something funny with redstone and dynamite.

Mark: I got an idea, hang on, I got an idea...

Wade: [sarcastically] Well, that's a first.

Mark: This is gonna be kinda complicated.

Wade: [reading chat] "Don't touch my doggie"...?

Mark: [to Zombiemold] I need- I need cobblestone! [begins clearing out inventory of unneeded material] No, I need pink wool! I need pink wool! I need pink wool real bad...

Wade: I got magenta wool.

Mark: I need- I need lot- thank you. [picks up Wade's magenta wool, which there are only seven of] I need more, I need more! I need more pink wool.

Bob: I-I don't have any. I have one purple and blue wool.

Mark: [jumping in place mid-game] I need more. I need more. I need more. I need more. [sees pink wool raining by the stack] There we go! Ah, this is actually pink wool. [quieter] ''I love you. Yeah. [normal pitch] You guys do you thing, I'm gonna do my thing, [switches to pickaxe and heads toward nearby hills''] and we'll see who- I need more sticky pistons! Uh, [checks inventory] yes, I need- hang on. [pauses] What's the- ?

Wade: Here, Mark-

Mark: WHat?

Wade: Down here.